Breaking Up Your Ex’s New Relationship

Mariam was with Jide for eight long years before she rudely broke it off when she caught him with another girl, hoping that he would call to apologise and things would go back to normal. He didn’t. He’s still with the new girl and she’s wondering what she did wrong. Now she wants vengeance. She wants his new relationship to die just as her heart died.

Are you like Mariam? You stayed with him or her for years and they dumped you without looking back, not even the courtesy of calling to beg. At least, everybody deserves that. They just showed you how valueless you are to them.

The good news is that God will fight for you while you hold your peace.

 

But if you really want to kill a new relationship, you’re going to need;

An idle and diabolic mind.

The idle mind is the devil’s workshop. So if you are busy with your career or school, you won’t have the time to carry out this plan.

The soft hearted mind can’t carry it out either. Your mind has to be diabolical for this plan to be executed.

 

Now, here’s how you go about it.

First of all, Introduction!

Before any new relationship is forged and becomes strong, there are tensions, misunderstandings and adjustments that have to be made for these two new persons to become the perfect couple.

This is the time for you to strike. While Jide is still trying to get used to his new chick, you get busy plotting your way. You need information about the new chick, how they play their love, her issues and baggage, etc.

The only person that can supply you with this information is Jide’s friend. Choose a friend carefully. Look for that his friend that always liked you just a little too much. The one that has a soft spot for you. Chat him up. Make him feel you’re so lonely and heartbroken. Get him to spill the juice on this new chick.

Chances are that Jide’s friends are still adjusting to the new chick. They are not yet loyal to her. Use this to your advantage.

Unlike Jide who’s looking at the new girl with love-struck eyes, the friends are looking at her with wide-open eyes. They’ll notice her bad qualities like if she’s ugly, her mouth is too long, she can’t dress, she cooks badly, she’s got bad breath, her nose is huge, her legs are tiny, etc.

 

Now that you have this information, put it to work.

If her legs are tiny, wear an eye-popping mini skirt showcasing your beautiful legs and walk past Jide like you don’t care.

If she can’t dress, show Jide that you’re still the Queen of Pop.

If she can’t cook, cook up Jide’s favorite dish, take a picture of the food and upload it on any medium you know he’ll have access to. Let his mouth water.

You can even invite his friend over for a delicious meal. Trust me. He’ll definitely take the news back to Jide.

Don’t be obvious in any of these. Take him unawares and make it look like an accident.

 

Bump into Jide regularly while looking your absolute best. Always have an arm candy by your side so you don’t look lonely and desperate.

Call out a soft greeting and act like you’re so over the break-up and you’re happy. Make your voice soft and dreamy and tell him you’re going out to visit somebody. Leave that green thought and sashay away even if you’re just going to Bose’s room.

He’s going to be thinking about you and who you went to visit dressed like that and sounding so dreamy. Then late at night, send a post about how you had an awesome day that left you very tired on any social media you know he’ll have access to. Upload a picture of you with smudged lipstick and a cute smile.

 

The next morning, send him a good morning message and leave it there. Let his memories do the work for you.

And when he finally calls to apologise and give his flimsy excuses, give him the boot.

Show him the door and close it.

If he did it before, he can do it again. Need I say anymore?

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When Love is Not Enough

Love is always not enough to keep a couple together. Some say if we have love, we can make it. But there’s a reason why divorce rates are on the rise. Most divorcees are still completely in love with each other. It’s the living together forever part that takes a toll on the relationship.

The teenagers who run away to be together often end up bitter and resentful. How can you not resent the person who made you give up everything? And now that you’re living with him, you discover that his morning breath stinks, he doesn’t flush twice, his snores are irritating, he is not a good father and does not keep to his word. But right before they ran away, they could have sworn that they loved each other so much that they would stay together forever.

Love is never enough to keep a relationship together.

Personality:

Everybody has a distinct personality. Even if the world has tried to classify us into sanguine and melancholic and other kinds of personality, no psychology can ever truly predict a human personality. The sanguine can live with another sanguine and there would still be problems. He lives with the phlegmatic and still issues arise.

Background:

Distinctly, this is the most powerful. A person’s past is the most powerful guide to understanding their mysteries and unlocking their potential. Two people coming from two kinds of homes, who have experienced life differently and has learnt different lessons has to find a way to merge all these together into one. Maybe he grew up in a quiet and elegant home where nobody raised their voice at each other and she grew up in the slums where the first thing she learnt was how to fight and shout for her to get anything. How do they live together? Maybe she grew up in a home where her father always helped her mother do house chores and his father never ever raised a hand in the house. How can they live together?

If she has plans to send her kids to boarding school and he has sworn that no child of his will attend a boarding school, how will they agree?

Life has shaped two distinct individuals with their quirks and whims. The problem is merging with another person to form a complete whole.

Compatibility

If two people don’t share the same values and goals, then they are wrong for reach other no matter how much they claim to love each other. What will you talk about? How mature is your partner? Maybe you have learnt to let things go in order to bring up peace and your partner has not reached that level yet. He may still like to argue and say hurtful things when he should have been mature enough to let go. Every relationship must have misunderstandings but what is important is how these issues are solved. Is she mature enough to forgive and not keep records of past hurts? Is he mature enough to settle the issues without telling the neighbors, friends, families and everybody who cares to listen about their problems?

If your love is based on hot burning passion and intense feelings, your love is not real. But if you can look at your partner clearly, without any intense emotions, fully aware of ALL his or her faults and you still like him or her, then your love can have a chance.

Aside from love, experience and wisdom is useful. Advice is necessary and a selfless mind is absolutely essential. After all, can two work together except they agree?

 

 

A Story of FlashBacks

Try to keep up.

 

‘Where have the good days gone?’

This thought ran like tom chasing jerry, round and round in her mind. Standing outside Peter’s house, she could still hear the laughing and music, the oohs and aahhs lovers make when together.

Oh it burned and pained.

 

‘Where have the good days gone?’

Where are those days when love was sweet and new, something to be admired, enjoyed, anticipated and intoxicating? Where are those days when love was brand new and vibrant?

All that was left was shatters and memories, broken-ness and rage. The good days. They are like fine wine, mellowed down with age, slushing down the throat like fine velvet.

 

‘Where have the good days gone?’

“Chidera, I can’t live without you. You’ve become a part of me…i can’t exist in this world if you’re not with me. If you leave me, i’ll die…”

He had brought out a knife and slashed his arm, his blood flowing down to the cement that gave way and opened her heart.

 

‘Where have the good days gone?’

The rain was pouring down, fast and hard. It rained cats and dogs that day and she was already in her pyjamas, ready to sleep in when her phone vibed. ‘i’m outside’ the text message read. Disbelieving that anybody could dare come out in such rain, she ventured to the common room. Sure enough, he was standing there, dripping wet and shaking with cold. Outside the lightning slashed and thunder roared, and there stood her Knight in Shining Armour, ready to face the thundering sky for her sake.

 

‘Where have the good days gone?’

Was it her fault? Was she in any way responsible? Had she been too demanding, too neglecting, too careless? What had she done wrong?

 

‘Where have the good days gone?’

The First Ugly Fight as she termed it in her head. Walking down to the hostel from class, she spotted Temi, her age long secondary school friend who offered to drop her at the hostel. Harmless as it was, it wasn’t worth the fight that ensued as he dragged Temi from the car and knocked him senseless.

 

‘Where have the good days gone?’

When his text messages greeted her every morning before she even opened her eyes. When life was a blur of cool dates in awesome places, romantic gifts and surprises. When he abandoned classes just to spend time with her. When he would kneel in front of the hostel just to apologise for a simple mistake.

 

‘Where have the good days gone?’

Sitting outside his room as he entertained another girl, she kept wondering, and wondering, and wondering. Really, where have the good days gone?

Getting Revenge on Your Siblings

I’ve met some friends who are quiet, reserved and never raise their voice no matter what. When I met their family, I discovered they were all the same: quiet and reserved.

Me I don’t know what planet they came from because in my world, which happens to be the real world, families are not quiet. Sibling are not always nice and awesome. Nope. They set you up, report you to the parents, rejoice when you get a scolding and a flogging, steal your hard earned money you saved and hid in a place you thought was safe.

Siblings, the way I know them, borrow your clothes and dump them for you to wash. They attack your love life and make fun of you.

The best part is that you do all these things right back to them.

So where is this planet where siblings are nice, kind and considerate? Where they say ‘I love you’ to each other? Where they hug each other every time?

I wonder. But for those of us living in the real world with real siblings, I’ve got some revenge schemes that are easy and cheap. Maybe your sister took more money and gave you less, or never gave you back the money she borrowed from you. Maybe your brother wore the shirt you washed and ironed and hung for a special occasion. Maybe they did all this and more….

 

Pop a Button

You know they have a very important date. They’ve washed and starched the shirt, polished the shoe and they’ve gone to the bathroom. Sneak up like James Bond and pop one button off the shirt. Then sit back, smile to yourself like a wizard and watch the unfolding drama. Of course, deny everything.

 

Kill The Romantic Voice/Mood

So now they have a boyfriend abi girlfriend? When you catch them in one corner, talking in one low soft romantic voice, just shout ‘Chibuzor, where you keep the garri na? Na only you sabi chop garri? Abeg come bring am from where you hide am”

Then clap for yourself and run.

 

Call and Run

Shebi they like to lock their phone with password. Here’s how to get into that phone. Just observe and wait for a moment when they drop the phone suddenly to answer mummy’s call. You can get to the phone those few seconds before the phone locks. Now you use all their credit, read all the text messages, inbox, outbox,draft,etc. Watch all the pictures and drop the phone like ninja when they come back.

Now you have a lot of juicy information for blackmail.

 

Report Card

So you know your sibling went out to a party or a friend’s house last night after lying to mum that they were in church. While they’re having a discussion with mum, kindly bring up the topic and ask innocently “How as the party last night?”  Then take to your heels.

 

Destroy Destroy Destroy

Y’all watched Ukwa right? when he cut his daughter’s hair with a scissors in the night for talking back at him? Well, unless you have somewhere to run to, I wouldn’t advice that.

 

But come to think of it, why can’t all siblings be nice, kind and considerate? Must we all be obnoxious to each other? Some over-zealous psychologists will say there’s a deep down emotional trauma that’s the cause of it. But i’ll say ‘hell no.’ We do it cos its just too much fun to mess with siblings. Biko tell me of your own revenge schemes that worked…

 

Should I Ask Him Out?

Should a woman be bold enough to walk up to a guy and ask him out?

You know how it is. She’s  been crushing on him for quite a while but he hardly seems to notice her. Maybe he does notice her but he’s too shy to come to her. So the two of them are pining in silence until one day, she decides to take the bull by the horn.

In our society, this is frowned upon. It is almost a taboo even in this day and age.  Even if it does happen, it’s rare, weird and strange. She risks outright rejection and even if the guy accepts, he would never respect her because he didn’t do the chasing. They say men are hunters and women, the prey. What happens if the prey becomes the hunter?

For some guys, it’s a turn-off. It takes the fun out of the game. It makes them feel like they didn’t work for their prey and they feel cheated. So even if they do eat, the meal loses  the sweet taste of victory.

For other guys, it’s not so strange. They might say yes, but only if they fancy the girl doing the asking. They might even say yes out of pity and who wants a relationship built on pity?

 

It’s a risk. A huge risk that should only be taken after careful considerations and calculations are met. Rejection is a distinct possibility. What lady can recover from such rejection?

Yes, a lady can ask a guy out and the world will not end. But only if she’s certain he fancies her but he’s too shy or the timing always seem wrong.

But the problem of honour and respect now arises. Who will pay when they go out on a date?

After all she asked him out, so she should pay. But he’s the guy. He’s supposed to pay for the date.

And even if she does pay for the date, who will ask for a next date? Who will do the calling? Who will send the sweet messages and say ‘I love you’ first.

Wouldn’t he always leave all the work in the relationship to the woman?

Some ladies may be adventurous enough to do the asking but they should be ready to answer all these questions.

 

For the guys, would you say yes to a girl if she asked you out?

If you saw your sister asking a guy out, what would you do?

And for the girls, would you ask a guy out?

 

Cheap Romantic Dates

Have a great Date without spending a dime

 

The boring and stale couples are the couples that have failed to try out new things together and have continued to do the same old things over and over again. No wonder the relationship has become boring and stale.

You don’t have to go to a fancy restaurant, see a movie in a cinema, or go clubbing before you can have fun in a relationship. The best things in life are free, just like the best dates are the free ones. Seriously. You see, the simple things are usually the most effective. Here are some things you can do together to spark up the love in your relationship.

 

Take a Stroll Together

Leave the couch, leave the kids, leave the dirty clothes and plates, leave the television and just take a long stroll in the evening together. Just take a bath, wear comfortable house clothes and slippers and take a walk, a long unhurried walk with no destination. Don’t go out with the intention to buy Maggi, or salt, or soap. We all need to work, we all have responsibilities but sometimes, those responsibilities can choke the life right out of you. You need a space, a moment to breath, a chance to just be with the one you love and not do anything. Its not an obligation or a pressure, you don’t even have to talk at all. Just hold hands, smile at each other and walk. Why is this important? Because it gives you time to think about the person whose hand you’re holding, it gives you time to heal, to forgive and be forgiven. That stroll could make the problems become smaller, inconsequential and even jump start your relationship again.

 

Play Ball Together

Football, basketball, long jump or high jump, running, etc. Just play any kind of sport together, just you and your partner together or even with the kids on a free evening. Sunday evenings are ideal for this you know. Just before Monday comes and the stress begins, you take a chance to unwind with the family. You could go to a nice environment with grass and trees and just play together.

 

Play Ludo, Scrabble and Cards

Playing indoor games are vital for a relationship, especially for young couples. Sometimes when you two get back from work or when you two are just together, you don’t need to switch on the generator and the TV. Just take a candle light dinner and play ludo, scrabble, or card till it’s time to sleep. Technology is important but technology is not your life time partner. Pillow fight is another indoor game that is fun. Hit as hard as you can. Besides, we all know where this one leads to.

 

Hide n Seek and Police catch Thief

This game the man definitely played as a child. Instead of rushing off to one fast food, how about using some toy guns to have some real fun right inside the house. Loser gets to wash the plates afterwards.

 

Look at the stars Together

I know Nigerians don’t generally have time for this kind of silliness but how about being that lovey-dovey couple you normally see in movies? All you need is an evening and grass. You don’t need money. OK, maybe you buy suya and drinks afterwards but that’s it. Looking at the vast sky and the beautiful stars releases pent-up emotions and can restore and renew an old and bent out-of-shape relationship.

What other cheap romantic dates do you know of?

 

Why They Say You Have a Bad Attitude

Has anyone ever told you that you have an attitude problem and you couldn’t understand why they said that, considering that you’re a kind, sweet and patient person who’s soft spoken and always willing to help?

Maybe you’ve been told more than once and you’re starting to wonder if it’s true. Chances are that it is true. You do have an attitude problem and no, i’m not (yet) a psychologist but maybe I could explain what a bad attitude is the way I understand it.

A bad attitude is basically code for ‘You’re rude’. Yeah, your mouth is as big as a gutter that doesn’t smell so good. You open it up and bad things come out. You stand next to a person and distressing heat vibes is what they get from you that they have to move. And the truth is you have no idea that you have a bad attitude, just as it’s possible for someone with a body odour is totally not aware of it.

Want to know if you really do have a bad attitude?

Are you always grumpy? Everything annoys the person with a bad attitude. When the sun shines, it’s annoying. When the rain falls, it’s annoying. There is basically no pleasing the person. Do you like to make noise over little issues. “Oh no, he gave me coke instead of fanta” and then you proceed to complain about it the rest of the day. Drama is your middle name. You go from extreme to extreme. One minute, you’re extremely happy, the next minute, you’re extremely sad. You like to talk about your problems and constantly think that people around you is out to destroy you, to worsen your life. Eh, your neighbor bought that dog just to annoy you. Eh, your friend has a boyfriend just to rub it in your face that you’re still single. Eh, your mother cooked egusi just to tell you your yellow shirt is ugly. Eh, your lecturer fixed that test just to annoy you. Na wa.

One main cause of a bad attitude is wrong belief about life. We all see life through our experiences and feelings. If you believe that the world is screwed and evil, then that’s how it will always be for you. If you believe that the world is good and full of good people and things no matter how small they may be, then the world will always be good for you no matter what.

Another truth is this: you’re self absorbed. You think only about yourself, you’re so wrapped up in your own world and your own problems that other people’s world’s and problems don’t exist cos all you see, is you.

Another reason could be unexpressed emotions. People who have a bad attitude are usually afraid of confrontations. So when somebody hurts them, they bottle it inside and take it out on everybody who crosses their path that day, and the next, and the next, and the next day.

Unresolved disputes and arguments cause internal struggles that affect the psyche, colors the world in red and mess up the mind. You can’t think straight cos you’re angry and your response to everything for that day is anger.

Another possible reason is a low self esteem, causing you to become angry at the world that your parents didn’t love you enough, or that boyfriend dumped you. The easiest way to mask low self esteem is anger. Anger acts as a shield because when you’re angry, the fault is everybody else’.

Having a bad attitude doesn’t make you a bad person. People with bad attitudes are generally soft hearted and emotional people. There’s so much emotions going on and they don’t know how to handle these emotions and this causes a conflict on the inside. So the only side you get to see is the bad side.

So you want to stop having a bad attitude? Here’s How.

Refuse to get upset at things. You may not choose what happens to you but you can choose how you react to it. you may not like the way your mother or the conductor spoke to you but you can choose to not get angry the rest of the day. When someone says something bad to you, they try to leave you with that bad spirit hovering over you but you can reject it. Tell yourself “No matter what happens, I choose to remain happy!” and mean it.

How about you tell someone when they hurt you, preferably at that time and place the hurt occurred. Don’t take it home. Don’t take it out of that environment. Don’t postpone it. And finally, how about you stop thinking about yourself for once and truly look at the next person? You might be surprised.

How to Be Instagram Famous

  1. Delete all your old pictures.

You are giving yourself a whole new life, a new identity, a new face, a new personality. So delete all those pictures with black and knobby knees, awful brows, bend-down-select clothes,shoes and bags, un-tushed background of mosquito nets filled with cobwebs and old, peeling painted walls, etc. Some of those old pictures are so terrible that they only got two likes out of pity.

  1. Your Profile Picture.

This is the first picture of you that the world will see so it must be fun, daring, glamorous and gorgeous. Getting the correct profile pic might require a trip to the studio. If you can’t afford that, borrow an iPhone or a Galaxy Edge or any big smart phone to take a selfie. If you can’t get to any of these phones, get ready to take thousands and thousands of selfies till you get the right picture, the right angle, the right face shape, the right smile, the right eye, etc.

Don’t be ashamed. Before you start, make sure your make-up is on point even if you have to spend more than three hours just carving your brows. If you’re hopeless at make-up, ask a friend who’s good in it. Borrow the lipstick if you don’t have a good colour. Your profile picture only requires a head shot so you don’t worry too much about clothes. Just wear a nice plunging tank top and you’re good to go.

Next, look for a tush background. Am not talking about a dusty mosquito net, a charcoal stained kitchen or a scattered room with bad lighting. I’ll advice you go to a really nice place like a cinema, a big mall, an expensive restaurant. If you can’t afford anything there, just go window shopping or pretend you want to use the rest room. Then look for a tush background with expensive tiles and beautiful chandeliers or brown wooden seats with red and white fluffy pillows. Don’t allow the name of the restaurant to be in any of the pictures. Your followers will just know that you’re pretending.  Look for a beautiful spot. Make sure you go with a friend with good steady hands. These expensive places usually have good lighting that’ll make your picture come out gorgeous or even professional.

Tip: don’t do the duck face. It’s old, tired and worn out. Just put a fierce expression on your face, a neutral look or innocent beauty. You know the faces that suit you the most. You may have to bring out the inner model in you and scream aaaaarggghh. Take tons of picture. The selecting part is the most important. You must check each picture carefully, assess the look in your eyes, the shape of your face, the background, photobombers, the lighting, etc. Make sure that you’re in a relaxed position so it looks like you’re at home (ode).

You can use a golden haze filter, just to give it that expensive glamorous effect.

  1. The Borrow-Line

Please and please, here you need bargaining skills. Make plenty friends so you can borrow nice clothes, designer labelled bags and shoes. Please make sure you borrow from friends who stay far apart from each other. If you borrow from friends in close circle, they will discover your secret and either embarrass you publicly or stop giving you things. So if you borrow the top from someone in rumuokwuta, borrow the trouser from someone in borokiri, the shoe from rumuomasi, the bag from oyigbo. Cast your net far and wide.

Tip: always return the things you borrow in good condition so you can keep borrowing. If you see the owner of the top coming, hide in the restroom till she leaves. Be very observant here.

  1. No Good Girl/Boy allowed here.

Now you’re going to toe the line of decency. Wear short and skimpy clothes but don’t be outrageously trashy. Post dope videos of you twerking, singing one Rick Ross song about having plenty cash or a rap line from Drake. Just make sure it’s a popular song so they think you are current. Posting videos help because they show your followers, the expensive places you visit. So anytime you enter a free ride in a big car, don’t waste that opportunity. Take videos and pictures.  Anytime you go to a hotel room, wear your casual but expensive pajamas, wrap your hair in pink hair band and sing a song, twerk, or rap. Anyone that suits you most.

Tip: A nose ring always helps here. Even if you can’t breathe, just mange. Take heart. After the pictures and videos, you can remove it but make sure your nose is not red so they don’t know that you have to remove it before you get home everyday.

  1. Don’t Beg Celebs to Follow You.

This is a big no/no. Remember you’re hustling now. You have to make it look like you’re friends with celebs. Show them that it’s no big deal to take a picture with Majid or Wizkid. This part is dangerous anyways. Here’s how to do it. Get information about celebs showing up in a public place like a premiere or an advertised visit to a restaurant.

Premieres and restaurants are better than concerts because of crowd issues. Dress to kill, stalk them at the event till you see an opportunity to ask for a picture. Make sure you’re smiling and holding the celeb with ease so they’ll think you do it everyday. Don’t hold them too close or too far. When posting the pic, use a carefree caption like “when @tiwasavage decides to turn up”. Just make it seem like you’ve been friends with them for ages.

  1. Be Active

Post at least five pictures everyday. Follow as many celebs as you can and comment on their pictures or send them direct messages. Don’t send nude pictures to any celeb. Sometimes the wire in their head will just flare and they’ll disgrace you publicly.

It’s a lot of work but remember, no good thing comes easy. Your hustle will succeed! Can i get an Amen!!!!

Go From Girlfriend to Wife

You know that friend that always disappoints whenever the boyfriend calls?

The friend that’s ready to abandon all plans just because the boyfriend called?

The friend that rushes off every weekend to cook and clean for him, while warming his bed at night?

The friend that was ready to borrow just to give to him?

That friend is now single oh!

 

Don’t smile. It’s not a joke. She lost him, after all her blood, sweat and tears.

Give, give, give everything till you have nothing, then get dumped faster than sour soup. Women are givers; they give their love, heart, time, emotions, skills, body, monies, strengths, and weaknesses to the man they love, hoping that he would reciprocate.

Some men are professional takers. As long as you give, they take, take, take while searching for greener pastures.

And who can blame them? You barely say ‘hello’ to a girl and gbam! she’s in your house, cooking, cleaning, washing, sexing. All the antics of a desperate or ignorant woman.

Being so gullible makes the relationship lose its taste. Who wants to be with someone so needy? Even if you love somebody, it’s gotta be because you want to love the person and not because of pity, guilt or necessity.

Some women think that for the man to marry them, they have to show him that they can be a wife. If you have to show him, then you’re not a wife material. You just pretend you are.

The thing is that there’s always a buyer for every material. You can’t turn a cotton material to linen.

Here’s how to make him put a ring on it.

  1. Be yourself.

Don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Don’t act like you’re rich, you have a British accent, you love to cook and wash, or that you love carrying babies. Just because you don’t really like cooking or washing doesn’t make you any less of a woman. Let him know firsthand that sometimes you feel lazy to cook or to wash BUT you are willing to do these things because you love him. You’ll see that he’ll have no problem helping you out in the kitchen sometimes, just because you were bold enough to be yourself. Men love exceptional women. They love women that are different from all the others. Show him the weird quirky side of you. If he doesn’t like it, he’s not the one.

You may not love carrying all the babies you see. Don’t act like you do. Don’t carry any baby you see when he’s around just to show him that you can be a good mother. It’s only fake and people always instinctively know fake things. He’ll never trust you completely deep down because his instincts tell him a different thing about you.

 

  1. Express Yourself

Some women love wireless moves. They love when their men know exactly how they feel and what’s on their mind without having to talk to them. That’s bullshit. Men can’t read minds as much as women can’t.

Not all men are sensitive to know when their word, or tone of voice, or gesture has offended you. You have to speak up. Stop being a baby that whines when people don’t give them what they think they deserve. Ask for it. Chances are that he doesn’t even realise that you need money to make your hair or buy a weave. Don’t just assume that ‘he should know’. Speak your mind. If you can’t do that now, how then can you raise children together with him?

 

  1. Accept Him

You don’t accept a person on your terms. You accept a person on their terms. He may not be as suave or a smooth as your ex but when you show him that you accept him completely, his height, his weight, his colour, his speech, his dressing, his job, his family, he’ll love you for it.

Show him you accept him by boldly and proudly showing him to the world. Men need to be shown that they are loved. They need petting. Don’t be afraid to hold his hand in public and cling to him like a baby when you two cross the streets. Laugh out loud and kiss him in front of everybody who cares to watch. Call him your baby and some times, treat him like one especially when he’s had a rough day.

Be supportive, no matter what. Don’t be the nagging girlfriend with an attitude problem. If you can handle unexpected situations calmly, he places more trust in you as someone he can build a life with. Not when the car breaks down, or you miss the movie, you start sulking or go off in one corner grumbling. If you can turn challenges into fun for him, you’re it girl. Be his biggest fan. Even if he messed up, talk about it respectfully and not like a market woman.

 

  1. Be independent

Have a life outside of him. He’s not the Bright and Morning Star. He’s just a part of your life. He’s not your everything. Don’t spend twenty four hours a day with him. Have your own life, friends, goals and ambitions and work towards achieving them.

Let him see you as a strong woman that chooses to need him, not one that needs to need him like a whiny baby. You’re his baby but you’re also a woman so act like one. Jealousy and possessiveness is not your middle name. You don’t need him to buy every sweet and chewing gum you want. You don’t need him to chew your food for you. Have a life outside of him. Don’t choke him with your love. When you have things going on beside him, you can never be boring. Be a great conversationalist, talking laughing and gisting with him about things like sports, politics, economics etc.  Don’t wait for him to bring up topics all the time. Be thoughtful and sensitive. Know when your guy just needs you to hold him and not say anything. Know when he needs some space to think and don’t over-crowd him. Don’t push matters when he’s upset. It’s not every time that he must do what you want. He doesn’t have to stop loving football or video games cos of you. He doesn’t have to be the only one paying for dates.

 

  1. Stop playing Games

Stop trying to get him jealous by using other guys or show him how much other guys want you by letting him ‘accidentally’ see some love messages or calls. When you allow that happen, you’re telling him that you’re not only loose, but you have other options and so he should also have other options. Stop playing games. Don’t send your friend to seduce him to see if he will fall. Don’t run off to one of your chykers whenever you guys have an argument. That is immature and weak. Be a kind woman. Be low-maintenance. I don’t mean he shouldn’t spend on you but be wise with money matters. Ask him his goals and plans and how he’s working to achieve it. This will show him that you care about his future and plans. Don’t be the trophy girlfriend that asks and asks and never bothers about where the money is coming from or how he’s supposed to be planning with it. Life is n it all about human hair, make-up, expensive clothes, shoes and bags. Be adventurous enough to plan the future with him.

Watch as his confidence in you grows silently but steadily. The ring is not far behind. Except he’s gay! LOL!

 

 

Overcoming Fear of the Dark

It started like a joke. You were always frightened in the dark and could hardly sleep if some kind of light was not kept on all night.

Now you’re old (older than me) and you still can’t sleep in a dark room, alone. You’ve turned into a womaniser or a man addict because people don’t understand when you say you can’t sleep alone. You laugh with them but in your heart, you know it’s not funny.

Anytime the day starts to fade, your heart beat starts to increase and by nightfall, your heart is beating like a possessed drum.

You know that the shadow standing beside the bed is just the door of the wardrobe but still, you can’t be convinced.

The voice that whispers your name in the dark is just an illusion but you’re certain dark forces are involved.

Are your imaginations real or are you just the kid who never grew up?

We can’t discount the presence of dark forces. They are very real.

But we also can’t discount your fear that makes a mole hill become a mountain.

What can you do?

  1. Never Watch Scary Movies Before you Sleep.

Avoid all kinds of horror films and/or documentaries in the night. Don’t go watching movies about snakes or dead girls or slimy lizards, especially home videos with witches covens and blood sucking vampires. Your dream most times, is always inspired by the last thing you saw before sleeping. Instead, watch comedies, romance and cartoons, anything that makes you think happy thoughts.

 

  1. Keep a Night Light by Your Side.

The night is scary because it is pitch black. Keeping a torch beside you can help to allay your fears. The darkness won’t be so scary when you have a weapon of light at your disposal. Don’t give yourself a heart attack by groping for your torch when the darkness is closing upon you. Keep a torch or a phone with a torch underneath your pillow or on the bed stand where your hand can easily get to it.

 

  1. Keep a Radio Beside You.

The night is not only pitch black but also quiet, so quiet that you can hear footsteps just outside your window. You can hear your ancestors calling out your name. You can hear the wind howling and rattling your windows, seeking for a way in to devour. The silence of the night can make you feel like a zombie apocalypse took place and you’re all alone in the world. To destroy the power of the silence, keep a radio tuned to an all night show beside your bed. The voice of the presenter or the music makes you know that you are not alone in the entire world. Someone somewhere is awake.

 

  1. Pray!

Nothing removes fear like praying to God who has power over the witches, wizards, demons and imaginations that terrorize at night. Never forget this part. It’s the most important.

Never forget that fear only exists in your mind. It is not real. Example; I remember one night in boarding school, I woke up and saw a figure kneeling  by my bed. That was the period when we were having ‘D MAN D MAN’ visitor, a guy or guys who sneak into the female hostel at night to steal and peep. So i saw this figure and I screamed as loud as my lungs could stretch. The whole dormitory became pandemonium. Girls screamed and ran everywhere, some ran over buckets and wooden lockers.  Of course, after the whole fracas, I found out that the ‘figure’ kneeling by my bed was actually my pillow that had fallen off my bunk but somehow, took on the frame of a man. I cooked up one crazy lie to tell people when they asked me why I screamed. Fear? Not Real.