I’ve met some friends who are quiet, reserved and never raise their voice no matter what. When I met their family, I discovered they were all the same: quiet and reserved.
Me I don’t know what planet they came from because in my world, which happens to be the real world, families are not quiet. Sibling are not always nice and awesome. Nope. They set you up, report you to the parents, rejoice when you get a scolding and a flogging, steal your hard earned money you saved and hid in a place you thought was safe.
Siblings, the way I know them, borrow your clothes and dump them for you to wash. They attack your love life and make fun of you.
The best part is that you do all these things right back to them.
So where is this planet where siblings are nice, kind and considerate? Where they say ‘I love you’ to each other? Where they hug each other every time?
I wonder. But for those of us living in the real world with real siblings, I’ve got some revenge schemes that are easy and cheap. Maybe your sister took more money and gave you less, or never gave you back the money she borrowed from you. Maybe your brother wore the shirt you washed and ironed and hung for a special occasion. Maybe they did all this and more….
Pop a Button
You know they have a very important date. They’ve washed and starched the shirt, polished the shoe and they’ve gone to the bathroom. Sneak up like James Bond and pop one button off the shirt. Then sit back, smile to yourself like a wizard and watch the unfolding drama. Of course, deny everything.
Kill The Romantic Voice/Mood
So now they have a boyfriend abi girlfriend? When you catch them in one corner, talking in one low soft romantic voice, just shout ‘Chibuzor, where you keep the garri na? Na only you sabi chop garri? Abeg come bring am from where you hide am”
Then clap for yourself and run.
Call and Run
Shebi they like to lock their phone with password. Here’s how to get into that phone. Just observe and wait for a moment when they drop the phone suddenly to answer mummy’s call. You can get to the phone those few seconds before the phone locks. Now you use all their credit, read all the text messages, inbox, outbox,draft,etc. Watch all the pictures and drop the phone like ninja when they come back.
Now you have a lot of juicy information for blackmail.
So you know your sibling went out to a party or a friend’s house last night after lying to mum that they were in church. While they’re having a discussion with mum, kindly bring up the topic and ask innocently “How as the party last night?” Then take to your heels.
Destroy Destroy Destroy
Y’all watched Ukwa right? when he cut his daughter’s hair with a scissors in the night for talking back at him? Well, unless you have somewhere to run to, I wouldn’t advice that.
But come to think of it, why can’t all siblings be nice, kind and considerate? Must we all be obnoxious to each other? Some over-zealous psychologists will say there’s a deep down emotional trauma that’s the cause of it. But i’ll say ‘hell no.’ We do it cos its just too much fun to mess with siblings. Biko tell me of your own revenge schemes that worked…